Paying Attention

Ive been told I don't update my blog enough! Its nice to know there are some of you paying attention! Here are some more recent photos of Inka. We went for a walk through a field in Patcham to see the Chhatri, a monument to the Hindu and Sikh soldiers who died in the World War One and a sculpture there for the Brighton Festival. Ill update soon with our trip to California when we get back! California here we come. Other news is I'm 20 weeks pregnant, we have our scan on Monday and will find out if its a brother or sister for Inka.

The Two Year Old

Inka the two year old. Her party was relaxing and fun. With a few friends she made teddy biscuits, ate together with teddys on the picnic blanket and devoured ice cream. Her face was full of awe and delight as her teddy cake came out and we sang happy birthday to her. I was surprised to find that she could blow her candles out on her cake. All my hard work on perfecting my first teddy bear children`s birthday cake and she said it was a dog! She enjoyed every moment and loved the attention. Her present of a sandpit is being well used, only its not so warm outside and she wants either Andy or I to sit with her at all times while shes playing in there. Another favourite present is her chick rucksack, as soon as she put it on she waved goodbye and said "Going to work" and walked out the door. She is still a delight and as funny as can be.

Snow Day

On Monday the snow stopped everything. Most schools in the area were closed, the rail service limited. It was fun seeing adults and children alike having snowball fights, making snowmen and slipping on the icing ground. Walking down the street I looked around and it all looked so pretty, white and clean, I could not help but smile. I realised that even though Id seen snow in England before this was the first time it had settled for the whole day and I could finally make a snowman. Now this is a very exciting thing for me, as a child growing up in South Africa I`d seen Christmas cards with snow, television depicting fun in the snow. Inka wanted to go outside straight away and look. Her first remark on the snow was "Oh Nooo, messy...wipe please". We made a snowman, Kamran helped as he rolled the biggest ball. I could only manage the snowman's head. Andy kept on laughing at my rolling technique. Inka was amused and watched us, she wanted to add stones for the snowman`s mouth but her gloves are a little big so she found picking them up hard and was frustrated. Over the last few days shes been very concerned about the melting snowman and wanted to check on him every few hours.

Inka reading

Inka looking at her bible stories.

Pretty lights

Inka loved having all the family round for Christmas day. She handed all the presents out and carefully tore her own open. She likes to make sure the wrapping paper doesn't go on the floor and puts it in the bin even before she`s looked at the present. Her most exciting Christmas activity was spotting the Christmas lights on houses, she calls them "pretty lights".
We have a teenager with us, from Afghanistan, placed at the start of December. Life has been busy sorting things out for him. He speaks little English so using lots of hand gestures and pointing. Having Andy at home over the last few weeks has been great. Ive got a few lie ins...bonus! Inka has also enjoyed having both of us around to read to her and pay her loads of attention. I had the best Christmas present from Andy, a facial which my friend Hayley (who also got one for Christmas) and I had together and extended into a shopping day.

Photos of SA trip

Inka with Nanny and Papa

On Durban beach

Inka with her cousins in Escourt

Steenberg Wine Farm

Just a moment please

Still catching up on my sleep after the long trip from Cape Town. I feel its all been a dream and the events and tragedies are yet to make their impact.

First a miscarriage which has been so disappointing and shocking. The scan the hospital did confirmed the baby had died at 8 weeks, and just before we were going to tell everyone. Id planned it all and then suddenly everything stopped. A week later I get a call from my mother that my Gran has died and in passing mentioned that my Uncle passed away a few days before. She thought I knew but I hadn't heard the news. It was a double whammy. I burst into tears that evening. I was just so homesick and really felt I wanted to be with my dad who had lost his mother and brother very quickly.

To cut a long story short, Andy, Inka and I ended up driving up to my Uncles funeral in Norfolk on Tuesday and then Cape Town on Wednesday morning, to get there for the funeral on Thursday. My worry was that Inka would be difficult, especially on such long journeys. I didn't have to worry, she was calm and jovial (mostly) through both trips. We almost didn't get our connecting flight in Amsterdam due to the flight being delayed and as a consequence our luggage didn't turn up until 2 days later. A frantic shopping spree ensued just before the funeral in order to get something half decent to wear. I was telling someone on our flight about the fact that all I to wear was a dirty pair of jeans to the funeral and she said something along the lines of it not mattering, it would be more important to show up. I laughed and said my Gran was a real lady, she often would be aghast at anyone turning up to any function in jeans. I made sure that for the funeral I was dressed in a classic black dress and beautiful high heels in memory and respect to her.

We stayed in SA for almost 3 weeks. Its been so incredible to see my family. Inka was a real delight and she got really attached to her Nanny and Papa. Angela, my wonderful sister flew us up to see her clan in Escourt and I was blown away at their generosity and care. We had our final night with Angela, Hash, Shakeel and Layla in Durban overlooking the beach in a seaside apartment.

So its back to life here and I'm still coming to terms with the loss of my baby and I am not sure where I go from here. Life goes on no matter what happens but can I just have a moment please?