Naked in front of strangers

Today was a crazy day. Baby massage class with lots of crying newborn babies. Inka was having none of the calming baby massage time and cried with all her might for her feed. All the other little ones were cooing and gurgling with sweet pleasure and she scrunched up nose letting me know she didn't like strangers seeing her naked. Understandable really. Then to ladies coffee morning with high energy toddlers running through my friend, Ali`s house. I remember a time when my friend had a clean, glossy house, we had time to have sophisticated dinner parties and talk about our careers and life as smug marrieds. I like it better like this now, more real and more fun. I enjoy tripping over stuffed toys and toy cars. Kellie made a good point saying how children made her realise how selfish she was before they came along. Children certainly do that. You are their whole world and you cant put yourself first...even if it means to just to put on your make up or have a shower when you want! Although saying that I felt like a totally incompetent mum when one of the women there picked up Inka from the buggy because she was crying. I hadn't even realised because I was so involved telling my birth story of woe and trying to get some sympathy! In fact Id totally forgotten about her in the corner. Ive heard you are suppose to recognise the cry of your baby from a far and know her cry from all the others out there. The other day we were shopping and I thought I heard Inka cry. I frantically pushed past lot of cool clothes only to find it wasn't her at all but some other newborn crying for her feed. I was totally flustered and thought I was being very attentive. Obviously it doesn't always come naturally.

More family photos

Here's some more photos, especially for the Australian based family checking this blog. Uncle Matt, Great Uncle Richard, Great Aunt Wendy, Grandad Stephenson and of course Great Granny. All these titles you suddenly aquire when a baby is born!

Time flies, your body recovers and life goes on

Ive been thinking today how time flies, how your body recovers and how life goes on. I cant believe Inka is 3 weeks today. People keep on saying how small she is and strangers stop in the street to coo at the newborn saying this stage doesn't last long. My body almost feels my own again. Ive said before that the most ordinary takes on an extra ordinary quality after a life changing event. I'm taking joy in the adventures of trying to feed Inka in the most bizarre places...top of the list to date is the changing rooms in Marks and Spencer's! I have more of an empathy for people, especially other mums and what my mother went through for me. I feel so loved and able to love more. I think I may have a better idea of how God loves us and how he protects us. My senses are heightened maybe because I'm aware of this little life I have to protect, every move and decision seems more deliberate and important. Does this feeling last forever? Is this what its like to be a mum? If so I think I'm going to enjoy it very much...

New and Shiny

Feeling like I'm new and shiny. Everything seems so fresh and different after giving birth. A trip to the seafront and town which would usually be easy and taken for granted has become a new adventure, one in which I feel brave and courageous. I love poor Worthing Pier, Thursdays`s trip with my parents and Andy made me feel good again. We took slow, gingerly steps on the windy side of the Pier. As we rounded the other end you could feel the sun, the wind shielded by the barrier in the middle. We stopped for a break and a cup of tea at the shop at the end, Inka sleeping soundly. Its funny how the smallest things feel so special at the moment.

Small things I'm appreciating at the moment:

• Showers, especially if I get to wash my hair!
• Home cooked meals
• Fitting into some of my pre -pregnancy clothes
• Sleep
• A good appetite
• Knowing I can eat extra and wont put on the weight as I'm breastfeeding
• Paracetamol
• A glass of red wine, Stilton and Camembert

Thanks again to all have sent their good wishes. I have my ups and downs at the moment and am aware I cant go racing around like I want to. So I'm just taking time to chill out with Inka and trying not to put too much pressure on myself. I know in these next few weeks I need to recover and just enjoy her. My parents are down from South Africa and have been a real help, bringing lots presents from the relatives over there. Its been good to have my mummy here to call on when I'm not feeling brilliant and my dad to help practically. I think Andy has got him building a barbecue as I write this!

Details

Ive been reminded by some of you that I didn't divulge Inka's full details...

Name: Inka Rose Stephenson

Date of Birth: 27 March 2007

Time: 01:42am

Weight: 8 lbs

Length: 51cm

Doting siblings

Mimo, Helen and Ferdinand enjoying Inka. Below a smile even though shes just filling her nappy. Shes asleep most of the time, but when she needs to burp she gives you the funniest faces.

The Birth Story

I feel suddenly connected to the outside world sitting down and writing for this blog. Ive felt so many emotions over the last few days! Giving birth and having this beautiful baby so dependent on me has been the most overwhelming thing Ive ever done.

Ive found its been difficult for me to to come to terms with how it went and a day after the birth I was just feeling so grateful to be alive. I never once felt out of control or disappointed throughout labour and delivery. I was aware that God was there with me at all times. I'm amazed and stunned by such a life changing moment.

For those interested in the birth story here goes... this has been important for me to get straight in my head as to process what happened. Indulge me.

At 8:00am I had little twinges, feeling like period pains. Andy was just ready to go to work and I had planned to drive to our NCT classes (antenatal classes) for 10:00am. I felt I was being a hypochondriac telling him about them, but Andy resolutely decided I wasn't going anywhere without him on that Monday the 26th March. He drove me to the class. The pains started to come more often and at one point I had to get out of my chair and walk around in the middle of the class. Everyone was getting excited but I still didn't believe anything was happening. We decided to go for pub lunch and I think the landlord was concerned as I was going to the loo so often, looking like I was struggling to keep it together. At least we got our food quickly.

At home I got the TENS machine on and frantically tried to pack my stuff for the hospital. I got really focused on dealing with the contractions. By 5:00pm we rang the hospital and were told we should come in. When we got there I was 4cm dilated, officially in established labour, at 8:00pm the midwife said the pool would be a good option if I still wanted a water birth. I couldn't believe it was happening so quickly. I was looking forward to having the natural birth I had thought would be so easy. The water was so comforting and I really enjoyed it. Andy was really supportive throughout, constantly encouraging, telling me I was doing well. Ali the midwife was really cool, she was young but experienced and kept an eye on me the whole time.

I was feeling like pushing during some of the contractions. Ali noticed I was loosing a bit of blood and due to the baby's heart rate rising as well was concerned about the possibility of an abruption. Id have to come out for to see how dilated I was. I was 8cm and there were concerns about me and the baby. I was strapped up to a monitor and contractions slowed down. Ali had consulted with the doctors, running through her concerns and syntocin was suggested to speed up labour. I had been so careful not to have any medical intervention and knew this could lead to more complications but it looked like the only way to get the labour sped up to get her out.

Inka didn't like the drug and her heart rate soared. To be honest at that point I cant remember much, except that there suddenly was 2 doctors in the room. The registrar said I was fully dilated but they would have to give me an episiotomy and ventouse to get the baby out because of the stress she was under. I couldn't believe it as they strapped my legs to the stirrups and were asking me to push! I didn't want to be on my back and certainly didn't want it like this. I knew it wouldn't be long till I saw her so in a way it was a relief, and I knew Ali had done all she could for me.

Anyway...pushed her out within half an hour (with the doctor pulling pretty hard as well). Inka had decide to come out with her hand next to her face. Andy and Jean, my mother in law watched in horror. I think the whole experience was traumatic for them. Jean was wonderful as a support to Andy and calmed everything down. She had had a similar labour with one of her boys.

Inka was placed on my chest immediately, she looked so squashed and to be honest not what I expected. Puffy eyes, and squashy nose but she was looking at me and was so alert. I couldn't believe I had done it without any drugs!

I haven't been quite prepared for the recovery afterwards. Stitches, sore breasts, no sleep, hormonal ups and downs and an overwhelming sense of helplessness. The midwife picked up me not quite coping and found I was anaemic, hence back into hospital for a blood transfusion on the 3rd day. I feel like a different person now, it was the best gift someone could give me. I was speaking to Becky today and we were just saying that the staff at Worthing hospital are Angels, the jobs they do go beyond duty.

So now shes looking less squashed and is a real joy, so far a lovely easy going baby who is feeding well and has her daddy wrapped around her little finger already.

I just want to say thank you so much so you all who have texted, rang, send cards, flowers and those from church who are cooking meals for us this week you have no idea how special and cared for it makes us feel to know you care and love us. Bless you all and I hope to catch up soon and show Inka off. I am such a proud mum. (IM A MUM!!!!)