NO!!!

Well well... Inka seems to have come on leaps and bounds after Christmas. She has started to get herself around, following me everywhere by pulling herself on her tummy. Just started getting on all fours and rocking. The Christmas tree decorations get pulled off but that's our fault because we should have taken the Christmas decorations down by now! She seems very determined and knows how to express herself. Shakes her head for NO and throws little tantrums when you take something she wants away, grumbles when she wants to be picked up...at least now she has a range of expressions. Shes less frustrated and I'm really enjoying the communication with her. Ive given in my resignation at school and it feels good. Ill miss the wonderful department at the college but I been thinking theres no way I can foster well and look after Inka if I'm trying to balance that with teaching. It does make you think about what your identity is and how a job or what you do can affect that, but I feel confident that my time with Inka and other young people in our care is very valuable.

Baby`s first Christmas

Inkas first Christmas went really well. It was magical to have all Andy`s family there, Matthew, his brother joined us this year. He made me laugh with his competitive spirit and determination to play as many board games as he could fit into an evening. I didn't think it was possible to meet someone more competitive than me. Inka opened her presents between eating and sleeping and as I predicted seemed fascinated with the wrapping paper...shes stopped eating paper though which is always reassuring for a mum.

Mine!

Well, the exhibitions over now and it was so good to finally see it up and done. Its been something on the horizon since last year when I was pregnant. I'm glad I have achieved something Ive done apart from baby and family, which are, of course important and I love. Its just nice to have something that's mine and only mine. Healthy I hope. Christmas is here and I'm busy buying presents and doing little things. Not sure if we have 9 or 13 people for Christmas dinner.I like having lots of people round that's what I'm used to I suppose. It never seems right just a few of us. Its also Inka`s first Christmas. She gets really excited when she sees the Christmas tree lights and I suspect although she wont remember it she will get the most presents.

Custard and Inka`s first meal together

Exhibition deadline

I don't know how I'm going to do it. I have an exhibition coming up at the Worthing Museum and art gallery starting December. I have loads of paintings to start and to finish and only a few hours a day to get them done...nothing like a little deadline pressure.Its funny how some people thrive under pressure and others do all they can to avoid it.

Teaching Inka

Daddy teaching Inka to surf and drive. You cant start too young!

Whats changed?

I had the NCT girls round today. All the babbas are looking so big and becoming more energetic and wanting loads of attention. Inka was a very polite host, taking great interest in her friends and having some tummy time with Millie. We had an interesting discussion about how a baby changes your life and how you see things differently. My friend was saying how she can understand people not wanting a child, but that now she has one its more amazing and she has so much love for her little one. I commented on what an impact Inka`s birth had been on Andy. After our first scan at 12 weeks he couldn't believe how developed the baby was and started to think about reasons why women would choose to have an abortion. It's opened a whole world of information he didn't know existed. When he spoke to me about it I must admit I was a little preoccupied with Inka and all Id been through. After a while I could see Andy really being consumed by the whole abortion issue. I started thinking about the confident lines Id heard so often from people, like "Its a woman`s right to choose" and "Only a woman can decide what to do with her body". I'd never really thought to question all those statements connected with Feminist thinking so prevalent at my University. The thing is, now Ive had a baby I know how connected to the baby a mother can become. You see her as a person there waiting. If I had a miscarriage I would be devastate. How then does it change if a child is an accident or a mother doesn't want the baby? Do those feelings about the child inside you make it less of a person? We live in a world where the media and our education can tell us what to think. We don't stop to question the morals it spews at us. We are told there is no real wrong or right, only our own sense of truth. Doesn't that then mean there is no truth? Truth by is very definition means its got to apply to all of us. So is she a person inside the womb or merely a cluster of cells that we can do whatever we like to? I cant see how you can have it both ways.