Baby`s first Christmas

Inkas first Christmas went really well. It was magical to have all Andy`s family there, Matthew, his brother joined us this year. He made me laugh with his competitive spirit and determination to play as many board games as he could fit into an evening. I didn't think it was possible to meet someone more competitive than me. Inka opened her presents between eating and sleeping and as I predicted seemed fascinated with the wrapping paper...shes stopped eating paper though which is always reassuring for a mum.

Mine!

Well, the exhibitions over now and it was so good to finally see it up and done. Its been something on the horizon since last year when I was pregnant. I'm glad I have achieved something Ive done apart from baby and family, which are, of course important and I love. Its just nice to have something that's mine and only mine. Healthy I hope. Christmas is here and I'm busy buying presents and doing little things. Not sure if we have 9 or 13 people for Christmas dinner.I like having lots of people round that's what I'm used to I suppose. It never seems right just a few of us. Its also Inka`s first Christmas. She gets really excited when she sees the Christmas tree lights and I suspect although she wont remember it she will get the most presents.

Custard and Inka`s first meal together

Exhibition deadline

I don't know how I'm going to do it. I have an exhibition coming up at the Worthing Museum and art gallery starting December. I have loads of paintings to start and to finish and only a few hours a day to get them done...nothing like a little deadline pressure.Its funny how some people thrive under pressure and others do all they can to avoid it.

Teaching Inka

Daddy teaching Inka to surf and drive. You cant start too young!

Whats changed?

I had the NCT girls round today. All the babbas are looking so big and becoming more energetic and wanting loads of attention. Inka was a very polite host, taking great interest in her friends and having some tummy time with Millie. We had an interesting discussion about how a baby changes your life and how you see things differently. My friend was saying how she can understand people not wanting a child, but that now she has one its more amazing and she has so much love for her little one. I commented on what an impact Inka`s birth had been on Andy. After our first scan at 12 weeks he couldn't believe how developed the baby was and started to think about reasons why women would choose to have an abortion. It's opened a whole world of information he didn't know existed. When he spoke to me about it I must admit I was a little preoccupied with Inka and all Id been through. After a while I could see Andy really being consumed by the whole abortion issue. I started thinking about the confident lines Id heard so often from people, like "Its a woman`s right to choose" and "Only a woman can decide what to do with her body". I'd never really thought to question all those statements connected with Feminist thinking so prevalent at my University. The thing is, now Ive had a baby I know how connected to the baby a mother can become. You see her as a person there waiting. If I had a miscarriage I would be devastate. How then does it change if a child is an accident or a mother doesn't want the baby? Do those feelings about the child inside you make it less of a person? We live in a world where the media and our education can tell us what to think. We don't stop to question the morals it spews at us. We are told there is no real wrong or right, only our own sense of truth. Doesn't that then mean there is no truth? Truth by is very definition means its got to apply to all of us. So is she a person inside the womb or merely a cluster of cells that we can do whatever we like to? I cant see how you can have it both ways.

New Toy

I took this yesterday. Its Inka`s new toy she chose with her daddy.

half clothed travellers

We took a trip to Bosham. All in all I found it rather stressful. I was looking forward to it, thinking its going to be special and beautiful. I think I caught it on an off day. Don't get me wrong, the village around the bay is quaint. Unfortunately the traffic was a nightmare getting there, the roads too narrow to cope with the combination pedestrians, cars and a buggy. A wedding in the church meant we couldn't have a look inside. A crying Inka when you need to eat in the overcrowded pub which isn't child friendly. I think lack of sleep made it difficult for me to enjoy it anyway. Its saving grace was seeing several half clothed travellers riding through the village with their horse and trap and a walk on the bay bed after the tide went out.

footprints and sitting up

Inka is over 4 months now. Shes looking like a real grown up girl sitting in a chair, all she needs now is a beer in her hand like her daddy!


Inka fell asleep on my lap when we were at the Pottery Cafe. Perfect for getting her footprint on the ceramic.

The relaxed swimmer

Inka is the most placid, laid back baby when swimming. Only she would suck her thumb, when at 3 months old she is placed on a floating boogie board. She couldnt be bothered to kick because daddys holding her and when she decides this is not for her she places her head on daddys chest and goes to sleep. She enjoys watching the other babies and takes a bemused interest in the adults singing to her. Even when daddy puts her under the water it take her a few moments to realise what shes just done and cries...a little.

mr horsey

I cant believe she is growing up so quickly! Shes holding her head up really well. Shes all smiles and really looks at you with interest. Shes even started to sleep long stretches at night and greets you with a smile when she awakes. She loves Mr. Horsey, the stuffed animal above her changing table and probably gives him the most smiles.

They have all popped out!

NCT group(baby classes) met up today. Yes they are all here now...

A Sunny Day

I had an interesting day today. I walked to the other side of town to visit a friend I haven't seen for a while. It was a beautifully sunny day...a day for shorts and T shirt. I passed a few mothers with buggies and they all seemed to be smiling at me. Claire and I chatted over fennel tea and malt loaf in the garden while Inka slept and her little one got food all over her face. Then to the doctors to get Inka immunised. Its her first set of injections at 2 months old. I had to hold her arms and have her on my lap as two efficient nurses injected her in both thighs from either side simultaneously. I closed my eyes as they did it. She let out a little silent scream and then a deep breath and a heart breaking cry. I'm a bad bad mother letting them do that...that's what she would say if she could. Ive just reached another milestone of motherhood...seeing my little one in pain but knowing its for her own good.

Inka's first smile

Family moments

As Ive said in my last posts, my parents have been down these last few weeks. My brother came down last weekend from Staffordshire. He is off to Brazil soon to live and see the beautiful Luana, so I suppose it will be the last time for a while Ill see him. Perhaps we will join him there next year for his wedding! I had a really emotional time seeing my mum and dad off and I bawled my eyes out after Andy took them to the airport. I usually don't get too emotional when I say goodbye to them as we have to do it so often. It must be motherhood that's made me so damned soppy.

Thanks for all your lovely comments on this blog, its good to know Inka and I have a steadily increasing fan base!

Fussing grannys

The family at Red restaurant in Worthing

Uncle John

Uncle Michael

Naked in front of strangers

Today was a crazy day. Baby massage class with lots of crying newborn babies. Inka was having none of the calming baby massage time and cried with all her might for her feed. All the other little ones were cooing and gurgling with sweet pleasure and she scrunched up nose letting me know she didn't like strangers seeing her naked. Understandable really. Then to ladies coffee morning with high energy toddlers running through my friend, Ali`s house. I remember a time when my friend had a clean, glossy house, we had time to have sophisticated dinner parties and talk about our careers and life as smug marrieds. I like it better like this now, more real and more fun. I enjoy tripping over stuffed toys and toy cars. Kellie made a good point saying how children made her realise how selfish she was before they came along. Children certainly do that. You are their whole world and you cant put yourself first...even if it means to just to put on your make up or have a shower when you want! Although saying that I felt like a totally incompetent mum when one of the women there picked up Inka from the buggy because she was crying. I hadn't even realised because I was so involved telling my birth story of woe and trying to get some sympathy! In fact Id totally forgotten about her in the corner. Ive heard you are suppose to recognise the cry of your baby from a far and know her cry from all the others out there. The other day we were shopping and I thought I heard Inka cry. I frantically pushed past lot of cool clothes only to find it wasn't her at all but some other newborn crying for her feed. I was totally flustered and thought I was being very attentive. Obviously it doesn't always come naturally.

More family photos

Here's some more photos, especially for the Australian based family checking this blog. Uncle Matt, Great Uncle Richard, Great Aunt Wendy, Grandad Stephenson and of course Great Granny. All these titles you suddenly aquire when a baby is born!

Time flies, your body recovers and life goes on

Ive been thinking today how time flies, how your body recovers and how life goes on. I cant believe Inka is 3 weeks today. People keep on saying how small she is and strangers stop in the street to coo at the newborn saying this stage doesn't last long. My body almost feels my own again. Ive said before that the most ordinary takes on an extra ordinary quality after a life changing event. I'm taking joy in the adventures of trying to feed Inka in the most bizarre places...top of the list to date is the changing rooms in Marks and Spencer's! I have more of an empathy for people, especially other mums and what my mother went through for me. I feel so loved and able to love more. I think I may have a better idea of how God loves us and how he protects us. My senses are heightened maybe because I'm aware of this little life I have to protect, every move and decision seems more deliberate and important. Does this feeling last forever? Is this what its like to be a mum? If so I think I'm going to enjoy it very much...

New and Shiny

Feeling like I'm new and shiny. Everything seems so fresh and different after giving birth. A trip to the seafront and town which would usually be easy and taken for granted has become a new adventure, one in which I feel brave and courageous. I love poor Worthing Pier, Thursdays`s trip with my parents and Andy made me feel good again. We took slow, gingerly steps on the windy side of the Pier. As we rounded the other end you could feel the sun, the wind shielded by the barrier in the middle. We stopped for a break and a cup of tea at the shop at the end, Inka sleeping soundly. Its funny how the smallest things feel so special at the moment.

Small things I'm appreciating at the moment:

• Showers, especially if I get to wash my hair!
• Home cooked meals
• Fitting into some of my pre -pregnancy clothes
• Sleep
• A good appetite
• Knowing I can eat extra and wont put on the weight as I'm breastfeeding
• Paracetamol
• A glass of red wine, Stilton and Camembert

Thanks again to all have sent their good wishes. I have my ups and downs at the moment and am aware I cant go racing around like I want to. So I'm just taking time to chill out with Inka and trying not to put too much pressure on myself. I know in these next few weeks I need to recover and just enjoy her. My parents are down from South Africa and have been a real help, bringing lots presents from the relatives over there. Its been good to have my mummy here to call on when I'm not feeling brilliant and my dad to help practically. I think Andy has got him building a barbecue as I write this!

Details

Ive been reminded by some of you that I didn't divulge Inka's full details...

Name: Inka Rose Stephenson

Date of Birth: 27 March 2007

Time: 01:42am

Weight: 8 lbs

Length: 51cm

Doting siblings

Mimo, Helen and Ferdinand enjoying Inka. Below a smile even though shes just filling her nappy. Shes asleep most of the time, but when she needs to burp she gives you the funniest faces.

The Birth Story

I feel suddenly connected to the outside world sitting down and writing for this blog. Ive felt so many emotions over the last few days! Giving birth and having this beautiful baby so dependent on me has been the most overwhelming thing Ive ever done.

Ive found its been difficult for me to to come to terms with how it went and a day after the birth I was just feeling so grateful to be alive. I never once felt out of control or disappointed throughout labour and delivery. I was aware that God was there with me at all times. I'm amazed and stunned by such a life changing moment.

For those interested in the birth story here goes... this has been important for me to get straight in my head as to process what happened. Indulge me.

At 8:00am I had little twinges, feeling like period pains. Andy was just ready to go to work and I had planned to drive to our NCT classes (antenatal classes) for 10:00am. I felt I was being a hypochondriac telling him about them, but Andy resolutely decided I wasn't going anywhere without him on that Monday the 26th March. He drove me to the class. The pains started to come more often and at one point I had to get out of my chair and walk around in the middle of the class. Everyone was getting excited but I still didn't believe anything was happening. We decided to go for pub lunch and I think the landlord was concerned as I was going to the loo so often, looking like I was struggling to keep it together. At least we got our food quickly.

At home I got the TENS machine on and frantically tried to pack my stuff for the hospital. I got really focused on dealing with the contractions. By 5:00pm we rang the hospital and were told we should come in. When we got there I was 4cm dilated, officially in established labour, at 8:00pm the midwife said the pool would be a good option if I still wanted a water birth. I couldn't believe it was happening so quickly. I was looking forward to having the natural birth I had thought would be so easy. The water was so comforting and I really enjoyed it. Andy was really supportive throughout, constantly encouraging, telling me I was doing well. Ali the midwife was really cool, she was young but experienced and kept an eye on me the whole time.

I was feeling like pushing during some of the contractions. Ali noticed I was loosing a bit of blood and due to the baby's heart rate rising as well was concerned about the possibility of an abruption. Id have to come out for to see how dilated I was. I was 8cm and there were concerns about me and the baby. I was strapped up to a monitor and contractions slowed down. Ali had consulted with the doctors, running through her concerns and syntocin was suggested to speed up labour. I had been so careful not to have any medical intervention and knew this could lead to more complications but it looked like the only way to get the labour sped up to get her out.

Inka didn't like the drug and her heart rate soared. To be honest at that point I cant remember much, except that there suddenly was 2 doctors in the room. The registrar said I was fully dilated but they would have to give me an episiotomy and ventouse to get the baby out because of the stress she was under. I couldn't believe it as they strapped my legs to the stirrups and were asking me to push! I didn't want to be on my back and certainly didn't want it like this. I knew it wouldn't be long till I saw her so in a way it was a relief, and I knew Ali had done all she could for me.

Anyway...pushed her out within half an hour (with the doctor pulling pretty hard as well). Inka had decide to come out with her hand next to her face. Andy and Jean, my mother in law watched in horror. I think the whole experience was traumatic for them. Jean was wonderful as a support to Andy and calmed everything down. She had had a similar labour with one of her boys.

Inka was placed on my chest immediately, she looked so squashed and to be honest not what I expected. Puffy eyes, and squashy nose but she was looking at me and was so alert. I couldn't believe I had done it without any drugs!

I haven't been quite prepared for the recovery afterwards. Stitches, sore breasts, no sleep, hormonal ups and downs and an overwhelming sense of helplessness. The midwife picked up me not quite coping and found I was anaemic, hence back into hospital for a blood transfusion on the 3rd day. I feel like a different person now, it was the best gift someone could give me. I was speaking to Becky today and we were just saying that the staff at Worthing hospital are Angels, the jobs they do go beyond duty.

So now shes looking less squashed and is a real joy, so far a lovely easy going baby who is feeding well and has her daddy wrapped around her little finger already.

I just want to say thank you so much so you all who have texted, rang, send cards, flowers and those from church who are cooking meals for us this week you have no idea how special and cared for it makes us feel to know you care and love us. Bless you all and I hope to catch up soon and show Inka off. I am such a proud mum. (IM A MUM!!!!)

Baby Inka

Comments to be added asap

The NCT girls

Our antenatal classes are complete and we are now fully trained parents (NOT!). As you can see I found the instructions on about how to bath a plastic doll highly interesting!
Andy had to clean up a peanut butter filled nappy, grapple with the complexities of a shaped reusable nappy (with poppers )and bath the baby before it got too cold.

Its been really good getting to know the other 4 couples in the group. They are an enthusiastic and interesting people bunch who Andy and I have had a good laugh with (You can pay me later for bigging you up).This picture is missing the lovely Anna, her due date is only 2 days before mine!

Is that a football up your top?

Ive been very slack at writing recently as Ive got caught up with being on maternity leave, catching up with lots of people and generally panicking before the baby comes. Today serenity descended and I feel excited as opposed to horrifically terrified about the birth. I want to know what all the fuss it about...although not too soon as I still have a fantasy novel to finish, a nursery to clean and my stuff for the hospital to pack. I'm sure this is all riveting to those who have never had a baby. I have become very aware recently how much my conversations have been about pregnancy and the baby coming, partly because its so obvious as I look like I have a football up my top and everyones first question is "When is is coming out?". As a new mother-to-be you want to get as much information and advice you can because you know once the labour starts you cant ask too many questions. I do want to talk about whats new out at Topshop but whats the point when you know you'll just never fit into anything remotely decent for a while and are stuck with Dorothy Perkins maternity tops that every other pregnant woman is wearing? Shallow I know.

So on that note I will talk about something else. Ive been thinking about my up and coming exhibitions. The Artists Open Houses are happening in the first 2 weekends of July. My house will be open this year. I'm excited. I'm doing T Shirt decorating for the young ones, the friendly Andy cafe will be in full swing and of course lots of cool and exciting work will be on display. Then the Worthing Museum and Gallery have asked me and a few other artists to show our work end of December so there should be a whole new body of work on display and a very professional exhibition. Anyway, ask me for more details nearer the time or check out the link on this blog which is titled "see my art work". See I wrote that with no mention of a baby!

The bump

I know that some of you out there who haven't seen me for a while...all those Aussies and African relatives...want to see this, my bump. These were taken this morning. I'm 32 weeks now. The baby was kicking Andy in the eye in the other photo. Andy has been an amazingly supportive husband, making sure I'm looked after. He was in charge of researching and getting the buggy (pram) and took the job very seriously. We now have a grass green bugaboo. Its amazing that a little baby can acquire so much before her life even begins. I was planning a home birth but when we visited Worthing hospital last week and I was very impressed. I was drawn to the idea that being in hospital might mean Ill get looked after a bit more, get more help and not worry about whose around downstairs hearing me scream blue murder when I'm going through labour.

Rye`s cobbled streets

For those who have not met our family yet ... here is a photo of Mimo, Helen and me. Mimo is 14 years old , Helen 16. Ferdinand (not in photo), our first foster son moved out of our home into the big wide world August 2006. Not far, only a few minutes away. We have now been fostering three and a half years. I call it backward parenting as we started our parenting experience with teenagers first. I love fostering, even though it can be hairy and we have had to sacrifice a lot to do it. Ive learnt a lot about myself and my faults, but then that's parenting whether your children are yours or not. I get frustrated when people compare our experience to looking after foreign students or lodgers and say "Well, it will be different with your own children". Andy and I have always loved our three like our own, even when we could have had an easy life and left them to their own devices, we have decided to do as we would with our own and confront. I love this photo, it was taken in Rye, East Sussex on our holiday in May. The cobbled streets are beautiful and you can see for miles if you brave the narrow staircase to the top of the church bell tower. It reminds me of good times with these two.

Baby Baby Baby

The little girl at 20 weeks. A bit late putting these on as I'm already 31 weeks gone. She is certainly a wriggler. Midwife says my bump is the perfect size for my weeks and no problems. I'm not sleeping as well as I'm used to because of trips to the loo and hip aches. Apparently I snore now too so Andy has left me and gone to sleep downstairs in the baby`s room. Well at least I get the bed to myself and he doesn't wake me up with his snoring. Antenatal yoga run by a retired midwife has been very helpful to keep me relaxed and joints supple. It is completely odd and miraculous to know you have a human life inside you. Its an amazing experience being pregnant knowing you ll soon be responsible for a life.

8 years

I cant believe that its been a whole 8 years! On the 9th January 1999, a very odd time to get married due to its proximity to Christmas and New Year, Andy and I became husband and wife! We were both 23 years old (aaaaaahhh) . I had adjusted to life in a new country, had 3 jobs in that time, moved 3 times and had all the pressures of leading a youth group and planning a wedding in the space of a year! The church was only about 50 people but they were amazing planning and helping out. I think our wedding came to £1500 altogether, including dress, venue and honeymoon! All the church brought food and the dress was a present from Andy`s aunt Stef, even my old boss did a deal for me with the blues band. That's what it was all about for us, a wedding that showed true community and unpretentiousness (I'm not sure that's a word!).

I always thought that with time you took your other half for granted and soon it would be inevitable that you wouldn't love them as much...all that heart fluttering, young love would come to an end. Nobody warned me it would take on a greater, deeper and all more significant emotion altogether. I used to scoff at old people talking about how you husband becomes good companionship. May be they used the wrong word or I didn't get their meaning. Andy has become my best friend, the one who loves me no matter what. That's no small thing. To trust someone so completely and whole hearted is truly incredible. When I saw Andy for the first time I felt God tell me I that he was the man I was going to marry. I didn't believe that voice at first. God chose well, he always knows what we need. I'm so glad I waited for the right one to give myself too. What a man.

Big Head!

Scan of the baby at 12 weeks. Ive never been good at making out the baby in scan pictures. Dont worry if you feel the same. It was amazing to see there was something in there and not me imagining things. She did a somersault and it looked like she was waving at us. Sometimes she would look like an alien...